Another Day

My headache finally went away

But I still feel weird

I don’t know why

I want to go out tomorrow

For church

So I can finally leave the house

I just need to run an errand afterwards

But I hope I can do it

I didn’t eat a lot today

I want to keep this up

Haven’t weighed myself

In a while though

I just want to lose something

And feel better

I guess I’m a bit scared

That my weight isn’t going anywhere

When you want to lose weight

But don’t have the will power

What do you do

Patrika Williamson



New Years

I am having a tough time again trying to figure out

What to write about

It sometimes flows

So easily and goes

Onto the page almost magically

But now lately

I haven’t been able to write about my illness as much

I used to be able to discuss

My encounters with the people in my head

And so many other things that you may have read

I really want to go back to writing fiction

And maybe change my prescription

I fear that if my meds change

I will start to feel strange

Like I have in the past

I feel like it’s the only way

To stop this crazy weight gain

I hate being bigger from head to toe

And not fitting my clothes

Something has to be different

Either I find a better drug at any event

Or risk ballooning up

I’ve never been this size

In my whole life

And want to be small again

With New Years resolutions

Being written to make better decisions

Of course I know it’s time for me

To try to lost weight and be

A single digit size again

I can’t be large and happy

I want to be small and healthy

Patrika Williamson

Side Effects

One of my biggest complaints

About taking meds is the side effects

I know that the benefits are great

But at what cost

Over the years

I’ve had to take many drugs

That were so strong

That they altered my system

I’ve stopped having periods

Then ones that lasted for weeks

And others made me drool

I would have shakes and tremors

Dizziness and nightmares

Be so sleepy that I struggled to wake up

And then there were the ones that were so strong

That they drove up my blood pressure and pulse

To this day my pressure seems to stay up

And I didn’t put it all together that the reason why

I’m so heavy and can’t seem to lose the excess weight

Is because of this powerful stuff

From a small woman who didn’t eat much

I’m now a big woman who can’t sneeze without gaining weight

It amazes me that there are so many things

That come with being medicated

Sure I don’t feel crazy

But at what cost

Is my mental health more important than

Being healthy physically

Or more prone to having a stroke or diabetes

I’m starting to think I need to do something drastic

Not even diet and exercise work for me like it used to

Of course at the time I was healthier when I didn’t weigh so much

But now it’s not a maybe

I don’t have a choice

If I want to live a long and healthy life

I have to lose weight

But the healthy way

And I feel like if I keep taking the same things

It will never stay off

Patrika Williamson