My Mother’s Birthday

Today was my Mom’s birthday

So I scrambled around and got

Her everything

But we usually don’t have big blowouts

And my brother’s ex

Brought over my niece and nephew

So my Mom got to see them too

We hadn’t seen them in a few months

My Mom even got to see her new baby

My Mom loves babies

I haven’t had any unfortunately

I had to go to my room after a while

I sometimes get nervous

When I’m around several people

Some social settings I can handle

But when it’s close

I can’t

Family gatherings were always a challenge

Growing up

We’d go to my Grandmother’s house

And have a big dinner every holiday

I wouldn’t talk and just sat to myself

I never knew what it was

I guess it was bad anxiety

But it wasn’t until adulthood

When I was finally diagnosed with it

I had such a traumatic childhood

Patrika Williamson



Childhood Trauma

Finally saw a doctor today

After being at the clinic all morning

After talking to a social worker

I was reminded of how traumatic

My life was growing up

I lived through abuse

Not by a parent

But by my younger brother

I kind of down-played it

As I described it

To the social worker

But abuse is abuse

I’ve been hit

I’ve been threatened

Maybe that’s why I have problems

Forming relationships

Plus I’m always nervous

I can recall times when

I thought he might kill me

I was just so scared

It was hard to get away from him

The only thing that separates us now

Is that he’s in prison

We’re still in contact though

Although the abuse stopped

Years ago

I still have trouble severing ties

Patrika Williamson