My Sanctuary

I practiced more Beatles

I’m focusing on “Nowhere Man”

I want to sound smoother

Oddly enough I haven’t gotten out

The last few days

I don’t feel depressed

But I want to do more

I just don’t have much

To do these days

I want to get one of the speakers

Replaced in my car

But won’t have much money

This month

Music is so important to me

I have to always have it playing

When I’m driving

I guess it just calms me

I used to get really nervous

When I drove

But I don’t drive with anyone else

In my car

That also makes me nervous still

I just drive alone

And sing along to the music

I guess besides my room

It’s my sanctuary

I have to escape

Patrika Williamson

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My Mother’s Birthday

Today was my Mom’s birthday

So I scrambled around and got

Her everything

But we usually don’t have big blowouts

And my brother’s ex

Brought over my niece and nephew

So my Mom got to see them too

We hadn’t seen them in a few months

My Mom even got to see her new baby

My Mom loves babies

I haven’t had any unfortunately

I had to go to my room after a while

I sometimes get nervous

When I’m around several people

Some social settings I can handle

But when it’s close

I can’t

Family gatherings were always a challenge

Growing up

We’d go to my Grandmother’s house

And have a big dinner every holiday

I wouldn’t talk and just sat to myself

I never knew what it was

I guess it was bad anxiety

But it wasn’t until adulthood

When I was finally diagnosed with it

I had such a traumatic childhood

Patrika Williamson

 

Two or More People

An odd thing that I’ve noticed

About me

Is that I not only can’t talk

To multiple people

I also have trouble

Talking to more than two

At one time

I freeze up

Nothing comes out of my mouth

It’s been a struggle my whole life

I don’t know why I can’t

Talk to people

But when you’re like this

It’s hard to make friends

Or maintain them

One on one

Is fine for me

But talking with two or three

Group settings are out for me

It’s not like I can turn it off or pretend

That I’m the uncomfortable one

I’m fine on the phone though

It’s amazing I made it through school

It wasn’t a fun place to be

And no one has ever addressed it with me

I wish there was something I could do

Patrika Williamson