Depression Still

I noticed that

My depression has come back

I wake up with a slight headache

Every morning now

And still haven’t left the house

I just don’t know if I’m wearing

My mask too tight or what

I thought I was fine

But I need to get out of the house

And haven’t left the house

In a few days

I need to for church on Sunday

So hopefully by then

I will be feeling better

I fell asleep without my mask

Last night

And woke up in the middle of the night

Then put it on

I guess that’s why I couldn’t

Get out of bed today

I can’t believe

I reverted back so quickly

I hope that doesn’t happen again

But the depression is real

It still hasn’t gone away

Despite the mask

And a change in meds

Patrika Williamson


CPAP Fixed now for Practice

I made a few adjustments

By tightening my straps

Around my head

And it was so tight

That my mask stayed on all night

Problem solved

Later I went through the songs

In my More Simple Songs book

It had tabliture

Strumming patterns and chords

The songs looked complicated at first

But I was able to play “California Dreamin'”

I’d love to play “I can’t help falling in love with you”

But it involves fingerpicking

And the timing is different

It makes me want to go back to that

Beatle songbook that I bought

A while back and try some of them

It’s easier to play a song

That you are familiar with

You can sing along

You know the melody

And how it should sound

So you’re not in the day.

So it’s gonna have to be simple

If I haven’t heard of it

Patrika Williamson

CPAP Blues

Had a rough night

My CPAP mask wouldn’t stay on

So I kept waking up

By the morning I couldn’t stay up

Just like before

But I got out of the house today

I just hope tonight I can get it to stay on

I’ve only had it for a month or two

And can’t get the mask to work

The straps are velcro

And the hooks that connect to the mask

Are made of plastic and don’t snap

So they’re not sturdy

But it’s the only thing

That keeps me going

So I should just try and make do

Patrika Williamson


I can’t believe how long I felt down

I was chronically affected

By depression

It was worse than my schizophrenia

And schizophrenia has dominated my life

For the last ten years

It’s one thing to have to hear negative comments

But to be void of energy and life

Can stop you from doing basic things

I just couldn’t get out of bed or leave the house

I couldn’t do anything

And now it feels like

I never was ill

I can’t believe the difference

I took a break from posting

Just to get better

Not knowing why I felt so bad

I thought I needed more meds

Or something

But it was my breathing

A health problem caused by being overweight

I do want to slim down this year though

And avoid getting diabetes

Or any other serious health problems

For the doctors to have caught my sleep apnea

I am truly greatful

Patrika Williamson

Depression Free

I felt great today

I actually got out of bed and went to church

For morning prayer

What an accomplishment

I don’t know how I did it

I’m running out of meds

And should be going through withdrawal

It’s weird how my depression just disappeared

Maybe one day I can go back to the gym

Or at least clean my room

I didn’t take one nap

I guess I needed to give my CPAP machine

Time to work

I still want to play guitar more often though

I didn’t practice today

But I’m planning to go to church tomorrow too

And not sleep in like usual

My dream of relief from depression

Finally came true

If I could just get a new psychiatrist

The one I have now

Makes me take 12 pills a day

Some with side-effects

Which I totally hate

I’d love to at least get off the meds that

Make me gain weight

Last time that happened I lost 25 pounds

I’m really trying now

I eat tuna on a bed of lettuce for dinner

With some crackers

I really cut it down

From having takeout

I wasn’t leaving the house

So that kind of stopped it though

I encourage those battling depression

And obesity to get tested for sleep apnea

It makes you feel so drained and lifeless

At least that’s what it did to me

But once I got diagnosed

I found that my other mental problems

Weren’t causing this

Now I know

Patrika Williamson