Another Day

My headache finally went away

But I still feel weird

I don’t know why

I want to go out tomorrow

For church

So I can finally leave the house

I just need to run an errand afterwards

But I hope I can do it

I didn’t eat a lot today

I want to keep this up

Haven’t weighed myself

In a while though

I just want to lose something

And feel better

I guess I’m a bit scared

That my weight isn’t going anywhere

When you want to lose weight

But don’t have the will power

What do you do

Patrika Williamson



Fighting Depression

Trying to fix things in my life now

The depression that crippled me must be banished

All I’ve done for the past few months is

Stay in bed

I’d sleep through the day

And never go anywhere

But now I have my CPAP machine

I am trying to adjust

Since I have sleep apnea

Now after wearing my mask all night

I wake up in the morning

Wanting to do things

But later going back to bed after having breakfast

It’s a challenge

I need to keep myself busy

In order to discourage sleeping

Even working out with my Wii U Fit

Or something

I don’t know what to do with myself

I’m thankful I’m not suicidal

But I feel like I’ve gone back to overeating

My dreams of being small again like I used to be

In my twenties

Is far from reach

I don’t think I’ll be sporting a bikini

In the summer

But then again I never wore them before

I was always so self-conscience of my body

Even when I was skinny

I am thankful

I’m still youthful

Since no one can tell my real age

I still look like I’m in my twenties

In the face

Patrika Williamson

Daily Life

Cooped up in my room these days

But I was able to rest

Not that I need alot

But I do

And I still have my routine

At night

Before I go to bed

I read and write

And I also prayer

Right before I got to bed

I also lost all of my frogs

I don’t know what happened

They all just died one by one

I don’t know if it was the heat or what

And interesting thing I dreamed about

The other day

Was that I was in high school again

But this time

My brother and I

Were running away from a

Group of actors

Who had gone crazy

And were beating up everybody severely

But I woke up before they caught us

It surprised me that I was with my brother

The fact that I was running away meant

I’m trying to get out of a situation

Helping him now that he is in prison

May be one of them

It may sound cruel

But he has done some pretty bad things in his life

And the fact that he is in prison now

Is no mistake

I just don’t think there’s much I can do to

Get him out of serving a long sentence

Patrika Williamson

A Low

I don’t know why

I must be having a low

I don’t want to go anywhere

I haven’t been to church in a few weeks

And I don’t want to even leave my room

I guess I’m one of those people

Who can’t handle change

As hot as it is

I just stay in my pajamas

I still haven’t cleaned my room

What has shut me down

Is it not having anything to do

No routine


Or something more

Something is really bothering me

I just want to pull myself out quick

I don’t know how though

I need a spark

Or a jolt to the system

Something that breaks me out of this

But what

Hopefully it will end soon

Patrika Williamson

My Ups and My Downs

I was so sluggish today

I don’t know why

But I just stayed in bed all day

And barely ate

I saw my new psychiatrist

The other day

And finally got to get

My meds changed

But I’m a little uneasy since

I didn’t wean myself off of

The stuff I had been taking

He just changed what I was taking

And I had a bit of trouble sleeping

I just hope that I’ll finally not

Have a huge appetite

Or gain anymore weight

The meds that I was taking

Had weight gain

As a side effect

And I packed on so many pounds

And had trouble getting them off

But this is a new day

And a new doctor

So hopefully

Things will change

And I’ll finally lose some weight

I was planning on

Starting a new diet as well

A lot of shakes and other liquids

Hopefully once I start

I’ll be able to stick with it

And I’ve been wanting to

Go back to

The gym to hit the elliptical

Which I found burns more calories

Than the bike and treadmill

I used to have trouble staying on it

More than five minutes

But somehow I was able to

Ride it an entire hour

However my feet would fall asleep

But staying on for an hour

Is a big accomplishment for me

At this point I haven’t even been going

In quite a while

But I want to go back

Once school is over

Patrika Williamson


Found my notebook

It somehow got under my bed

I am grateful

Lots of interesting stuff

And I am now typing them up

My typing skill are coming in handy

I was watching a show about hoarders

But after seeing the hoarders’ stories’

I’ve realized that I’m not as bad as the people on TV

It’s just I’m not very neat

I don’t like to clean

But every now and then I do

I didn’t pick up the guitar today

I just never got around to it

I’m still feeling great

From finding my notebook

Won at Bingo in my parenting class again

Every time I win

I get an extra Walmart gift card

Today was a good day for me

As for my dreams

I was babysitting

And the child I babysat

Took meds

But I could never get the dosage right

And when her mother came home

The next day

She paid me in odd bills

First a one

But then threes and sevens

I kept asking her to give me real cash

Since money doesn’t come in those denominations

But money means power

And the numbers meant beginnings

I’m hoping there will be a new chapter in my life

So I’ll keep my eyes peeled

Patrika Williamson

My Routine

My life is plain

I do everything the same

My routine doesn’t change

I get up every morning

Have breakfast and check

My email again

Although I don’t have friends at the moment

I love seeing the interesting messages I get

Mostly eClubs and such

But it’s always cool to get a message that I’ve sold something

On eBay or Amazon

For now it’s just something on the side

I actually look forward to seeing all the likes to my posts

Or a new follower to my blog

It’s amazing that this blog was just something

That was suggested to me by my nurse practitioner

And now it’s become a daily thing I do every night around 9

I also keep a journal and pray everyday

And take my pills twice a day

Although my life lacks excitement

I still enjoy the little things like this

Seeing people enjoy my poems

I’d like to thank all the readers of this blog

For checking out my daily posts

As a glimpse into the life of a

Person suffering from

Schizophrenia, anxiety and depression

Patrika Williamson