Tuning into God

Despite feeling down

I dragged myself to church today

Had a little trouble

Getting into it

But the sermon was good

It was about prayer

And setting prayer goals

I didn’t know it could be so complicated

I liked it but

Now I need to rethink how I pray

And that’s really important

At one point the pastor

Gave an example of all the excuses we make

About not having enough faith

Well actually I forgot

But I felt like he was describing me

It was so weird

He named all of my fears

I do pray every night

But after listening to this sermon

I will start setting aside a time in the morning

For prayer and listening

Like he suggested

One of the things I’m guilty of is talking

Asking for things and not listening

To what God has to say

It’s not all about me when I pray

It’s about speaking to God

And making a connection

Filtering out all the static

Well the pastor used the radio

As an example

We tune in to what we want to hear

But if we really try

We can hear God speaking to us

Well I really am glad I made it to church today

Patrika Williamson



Dreaming of the End

I had a very moving dream

Last night I dreamed that

I was with my Mom

We were sitting outside at night

A man came up to me who knew me

And asked me to come with him

I said no and kept resisting

He pulled me so hard and practically

Pulled of my shirt

But out of no where I stared at the sky

And I saw a shooting star go by

And then I saw an explosion of lights

And colors

And it was so mesmerizing

That I couldn’t look away

The sky was lit up

Even more than fireworks

It was like the stars were changing colors

And then a light came

And I saw a large image on the screen

It was a reporter standing next to a man

And she was announcing it was the second coming

I felt funny since I knew it was the end

And I had never got to do all I wanted on Earth

I looked at my Mom

And felt really scared

Like I wouldn’t get to go to heaven

But I felt hands hoisting me up

And I was overcome with joy

I yelled “God, I love you”

And looked around to see if my Mom

Was coming up with me

But before I could I woke up

It made me realize how much I love God

The oddest thing happened once I was awake

The voices told me that it was them

Who gave me that dream

They were the ones that hoisted me up

They tried to ruin a good thing

I didn’t let it get to me though

I just kept thinking about when the time comes

I’ll be going to the best place

Patrika Williamson

Trust and Believe

Well after having prayer

I feel like I don’t have to keep

Praying for the same thing

It’s already done

As they say

I remember my pastor saying

That sometimes we have to beg

For what we want

And I truly did

For a while

I feel like I don’t have to worry anymore

About if God is deciding whether

He should answer my prayers or not

I think that he has decided to answer me positively

And I am truly grateful

I think that trusting in the Lord

Has truly paid off

And anything is possible

If we believe in him and trust

That he will always take care of it

If you ever want to know if God is for real

Ask him to do something miraculous in your life

And he certainly will

Patrika Williamson


I Never Regret It

What is next on the horizon

I wonder to myself

Will I meet the man of my dreams

When I’m least expecting it

Will I go back to writing fiction

Learn how to play the guitar

Or maybe find peace within myself

I’d love to have the voices in my head

Go away forever

But it’s not necessarily something

I have control over

Whether I talk to them or not

I know they’re still there

Waiting for the right moment to break in

But it makes me wonder

What would it be like if I had a significant other

Would they break in and make me angry

When I want to have privacy

Especially when I want to have it with someone else

It’s not always quiet in my head

And I feel like they’re keeping their eyes on me

Even though sometimes they aren’t bothering me

Some things aren’t very easy to ignore

And that’s when I have to turn to my hobbies

But my new one is now playing the guitar

Well actually I spent most of my time tuning it

But still it keeps me busy

Rather than sitting around talking and listening

To them as they try to get on my nerves

And to be seen and heard

I seem to taunt them as much as I can

It makes me laugh and takes away from the fact that

I used to feel like I was going crazy

Like they were all out to get me

I know I’ve said God is amazing

But I think at the time I was being tested

This was way before I was saved

And before I believed in the Lord wholeheartedly

Some wonder how can God allow something like this

But God never said life would be easy the whole way through

We all have our trials and tribulations

And things we have to go through

It makes us stronger as they say

I can’t speak for everybody

Knowing there are so many people in the world suffering

But from my own experience

I’m glad I finally chose to believe in God on my own

And not because it was what my family wanted me to do

I finally came forward and chose to be a Christian

And have not regretted this decision

It’s not bad and the benefits are better

Than anything of this world

Patrika Williamson

Better Than Usual

I don’t know why but I feel better

Even though nothing major

Has happened in my life recently

But I think God blessed me

With calm and a patience for something

I just don’t know what will happen

But I think it will happen soon

Like it has already been taken care of

And all the prayers that I made

Will not go unanswered

I will be rewarded for my faith

Prayer is always the best way to get God’s attention

And to speak with him because he listens

I have waited so patiently

For him to answer me with something

That is so important to me

And I no longer shed tears

I no longer fear

That I won’t be blessed

As other miracles have happened

As well

And he is just getting started

As he is faithful to us

And never has he forgotten

I will continue to pray


And believe in him with all of my heart

He is there for me as well as everyone else

And I know he will never go against his word

He never lies or leaves us alone

I get little hints dropped in my dreams

And continue to have a positive feeling

Which came out of no where

But I shouldn’t question it

As gloomy as I have felt for the last few weeks

And to become inspired to do something

Out of character

Maybe for the better

It doesn’t hurt to take a chance

Even if I don’t know the outcome in advance

I don’t feel that it’s a big deal

I’m just living my life basically

And that’s nothing out of the ordinary

Patrika Williamson

More Than Just a Sign

Something interesting happened today

When I went to church for prayer

The pastor asked who was single

And I raised my hand along with several other people

But that wasn’t the end of it

At the end of the meeting

A newlywed couple offered to pray for all the singles

I was brave enough to get up

And I joined the circle for special prayer

It was nice that we were singled out

So to speak

And it was the main reason why I went this morning

I have been praying for a mate

As I’ve mentioned before

I know that God hears me

And by this I think that he was making sure to tell me

That he is currently working on it

Or at least I hope this is the whole reason for it

It was not a coincidence

I asked God to send me a message several days ago

To let me know

That he is taking care of everything

For it to have not happened instantly

Must mean that it will be an extra special blessing

Nothing is good when it’s rushed and not carefully created

The best things take time and patience

I just have to wait a little longer I guess

Since I’m not asking for a one-night stand

I’m praying for something that will last forever

And nothing could ever

Take the place of it

Patrika Williamson

New Blog Entry and Video

I have been trying out my new YouTube vlog. It has been going OK. I don’t really know what to discuss but I was inspired by a dream to start vlogging. At the moment I have no idea what to shoot but trying to come up with different topics. It is a departure from my original format of poetry. But I also struggle with coming up with new material each day. I will continue to post on both Word Press and YouTube as much as I can. And have not forgotten about my readers. I look forward to all comments and suggestions on what I should post. It is a joy to be able to entertain as well as inform others about schizophrenia as well as my unique experience with this illness. Please keep checking back often as I try to post daily. And thank you for viewing. Comments are greatly appreciated.


I wonder sometimes

Am I living right

I do as much as I can

And have to remember

If I fail God will always understand

Though I have made mistakes in my life

It never was so bad

That I couldn’t make things right

Even the times when the voices convinced me

That the world was ending because of me

Eventually I was able to snap out of my psychosis

It took a little while

But eventually I realized that I had done nothing wrong

It must have been a test

And though I thought I failed miserably

I’m here safe and completely sane

I wasn’t thrown somewhere for the insane

And I am grateful for it

Over the years I had to learn to cope with

My illnesses

It wasn’t easy but the harassment

And terror stopped completely

And it was a matter of me managing

No matter what the reason be

For my suffering

Whether super or natural

I still have to live with it

And I think I’m d0ing just fine at the moment

Patrika Williamson