Voices are a Downer

I am still trying to get over

My cold

But it is bothering my nose

My face hurts

I tried to do some home repairs

But ended up getting the wrong part

Now I have to go back to Home Depot

It’s so huge

It’s not one of my favorite stores

I was in and out of there

But I came home and was lectured

By the voices

For a while now

My depression has been worse

Than my schizophrenia

But today I was told

That I wouldn’t find anybody

I just can’t take it when I’m told

I’ll be single for the rest of my life

I pray so much

For God to send me the right man

I don’t like being single

And having them remind me

It makes me feel even worse

I wanted to cry

It’s a really sensitive subject for me

I’ve never felt so strongly about anything

I just wish I knew

What the future held for me

To be reassured

That everything is going to be alright

Would be nice

Patrika Williamson


Tuning into God

Despite feeling down

I dragged myself to church today

Had a little trouble

Getting into it

But the sermon was good

It was about prayer

And setting prayer goals

I didn’t know it could be so complicated

I liked it but

Now I need to rethink how I pray

And that’s really important

At one point the pastor

Gave an example of all the excuses we make

About not having enough faith

Well actually I forgot

But I felt like he was describing me

It was so weird

He named all of my fears

I do pray every night

But after listening to this sermon

I will start setting aside a time in the morning

For prayer and listening

Like he suggested

One of the things I’m guilty of is talking

Asking for things and not listening

To what God has to say

It’s not all about me when I pray

It’s about speaking to God

And making a connection

Filtering out all the static

Well the pastor used the radio

As an example

We tune in to what we want to hear

But if we really try

We can hear God speaking to us

Well I really am glad I made it to church today

Patrika Williamson


What I Really Want

I prayed so hard last night

I wasn’t really trying

But it made me realize what I want

I usually think about the things that I want

In a man

Since I’m single

But this time I realized that it’s not about

The physical aspects like eye color or height

I just thought that the emotional stuff

Like making someone smile

Or waking up next to that special person

It’s a big deal

More than what you see from the outside

And if it never fades away

Than that’s something you can’t buy

Or make up for

If you do happen to

Have someone special in your life

Hold on to them

And never take them for granted

Patrika Williamson


Last night I dreamed of waiting

I wanted to get a chemical peel

But the wait was so long

I wanted to do it so bad

Because I had a coupon

And every time I talked to them

They said they couldn’t take me in

I wondered why they couldn’t just

Schedule appointments

Instead of turning away customers

I finally talked to someone

And she got me in by telling

The person in charge

That I was bitten by a rat

I was happy that I was finally being seen

In life I am waiting for

My prayers to be answered

It seems like it’s taking forever sometimes

And I feel like I keep getting turned away

Instead of it being set up like an appointment

As we are so accustomed to

We have to wait on God’s schedule

I have been told this many times before

If we don’t then we seek other ways

To get help

Or try to do things on our own

When I have taken matters into my own hands

In the past it’s ended up in disaster

I know I must wait

If I want the best results

Patrika Williamson

I Need Some Positiveness

Spent a bit of time out of the house

Still hot though

My kitten Apollo was so hot yesterday

That he stayed in the living room all night

Practiced a bit of guitar yesterday

Wrote a complete song

About praying to God

I never thought I could do it

But it all came together

At one time

And I just hope it doesn’t sound too negative

But I did it though

Quicker than the first song I wrote

I actually used some of the melodies

I had already come up with

To make it easy

I think I should keep writing

Pain is what drives me

And tomorrow is Sunday

So that means I need to go back to church

Hopefully it will perk me up

I need some positivity in my life now

Patrika Williamson

Feeling Good

Still eagerly awaiting my results

From last nights event

I thought about it

And even if I don’t get any matches

I’ll be OK

Because God will never leave me

I know that as long as I believe in him

He will answer my prayers

I was so devastated the last time I went

And didn’t get any matches

So even if I haven’t met the right guy

Maybe he’ll come along one day

And be perfect in every way

It took a lot for me to get to this point

I know God never disappoints

And with enough faith

It will turn into a miracle

So other than that

I’ll focus on myself

And finding the right job

Which I’m also hoping

I’ll stumble upon

So I am doing a bit better

And don’t feel as low

As I was the other day

Patrika Williamson

Keeping the Faith

Finally started looking for work

Maybe things will look up for me

And not only will I be working again

But maybe I’ll finally have a special friend too

I don’t know how my life will play out

Nor do I ever know what will happen

But many times I take a chance and it works out

Hence looking for work

I know that blessings come

When we least expect them

And just living my life

Brings good things to me

But I pray too

More for my family than myself

I just hope I will be able to

Find what’s right for me

For now I’ll keep praying

Patrika Williamson

Hopefully God Will Intervene

I was up so late last night

Rewriting the first song

I tried to set to guitar

I didn’t think to write the chords

Now I have to remember

How I wanted it to sound

Now that I’m not about to

Go to sleep

I made it to prayer

This morning though

And made a special request

For my brother who is facing 32 years

He was charged with assault

And facing just about

A life sentence in prison

Which is pretty hefty

Since murders and rapist

Get lighter sentences

I tried my best to help him

By getting information from lawyers

But now it’s just up to the courts

I pray for him every night

And hope that God will intervene

But it can be hard to stay positive

When I think of all the black men

In prison

And how they make up most

Of the prison population

It’s just a sad place to end up

Patrika Williamson

Life Without A Love

I was all broken up last night

During my prayer time

I couldn’t hold it in

I don’t know why I feel so strongly

About the way my life has been

I’ve never been in love

Nor have I ever had a boyfriend

And I just felt so sad

I’ve read many times

That all you need is

To have the faith of a mustard seed

And it’s enough to be blessed by God

But I feel like I can’t do it

Another thing I’ve read is that

If you believe it to be so

Than it is

That’s all it takes

But after being blessed

So many times over

I feel like it’s the last thing left

That’s been looked over

It’s just so important to me

Even though I don’t know the feeling

I don’t know what will happen

If I had someone

But I feel that

It’s lacking in my life

And that there’s no other

Substitute for it

I just cant’ get around it

And only God can help me

With what’s missing

Patrika Williamson

Getting to Church

I magically got up early

Like I did yesterday

It’s nice not to need an alarm

So I got to go to church

Earlier this time

And it was different

My church is more crowded

At the ten o’clock service

And I was back home

By lunchtime

I felt like yesterday

God wanted me to make it to prayer

Since I’m always too sleepy

On Saturday to get up

And make it to the nine o’clock program

I hated that I missed it

Last week since the main pastor and founder

From the main campus

Came and led the prayer

But I made it yesterday

And gave my praise and petition

Sometimes I notice I’m more thorough

Than other times

But I didn’t get emotional

And start to cry

One interesting thing

That was mentioned

During service today

Was that when we do the usual

Introductions before the message

That we could end up meeting

Our future partner

I usually feel a little uncomfortable

When we do this during the service

Usually they’ll say turn to your neighbor

And they’ll tell us what to say

But since I’m bad at talking to people I don’t know

I’m kind of nervous

But it’s not in my mind that I could be

Speaking to a future suitor

It would be nice though

I wish I could meet him at church

Since I like going and we could go together

Each Sunday

If it’s meant to be it will happen

Patrika Williamson