A Single Valentine

I watched my niece again

After I picked her up from school

I’ve had a cold for the past few days

I just don’t know how I got it

I don’t go out much

Went to the grocery store

It was so busy

Like it was Christmas Eve

I guess people will be

Throwing parties tomorrow

They had so many flowers out

I never thought Valentine’s Day

Was such a big day

But I’ve been seeing people

Set up at every corner with

Gift baskets

It reminds me of how alone I am

It’s not very fun

It’s not that I don’t like Valentine’s Day

But when you are single

You have no one to celebrate it with

I just wish I did for once

It sure would be nice

Patrika Williamson


One Day

Looks like I’m going to make it

The speed dating event is next week

And I’m ready to have some nice conversation

I don’t really get a chance to meet new people

And I would like to

Even though it is difficult

I’m not a club person

Or any good at online dating

So I don’t have a social life

I just hope to meet someone nice

Who is looking for the same things

That I am

Someone who is mature

And not looking for a one night stand

Or something that’s casual

I don’t like praying about it daily

Since God has heard me

Each time I cried

But I feel like I’m going to burst

If I have to be single for the rest of my life

And there’s no sign of any good guys

I wanna write a love song someday

And about the happiness that it has brought me

I lack that inspiration at the moment

And only sing about being lonely

When will my day ever come

That I can say

I’m truly happy and not alone

Patrika Williamson

I Can’t Stand It

I joked with the voices yesterday

About something that really bothers me everyday

I pretended that my cat Apollo was my baby

I held him in my arms

And gushed about a cute guy on TV being his father

I laughed so hard since I got so into it

But for some reason tears filled in my eyes as I kept doing it

I stopped and thought why to myself

Am I still childless and without the love of someone else

Later that night I cried to God

Telling him how I blame myself for all the grief I caused

I prayed to him to send me a man

Not tomorrow but right now

I keep thinking to myself that it’s all my fault

That I haven’t attracted a good guy to me

Why am I still single after all these years

I’ve never had a boyfriend or been in love

Let alone ever come close to finding the right man

It’s easy for me to become hysterical

Because I want God to answer my prayer so much

Since it’s next to impossible

I can’t even look at myself in the mirror

Since I look nothing like I did five years ago

I got older and feel less attractive

But with a track record of dating men

Who weren’t interested

It’s easy for me to assume that it’s all my fault

That I’m not desirable

I prayed for God to reassure me

To give me the feeling that it’s OK

But again I am left wiping my own tears away

Just thinking about it gets me choked up

And I already know I’ve had enough

What more must I do

I ask Him to

Answer me clearly

But instead of a response the question

I want him to answer my prayers

Not a simple yes or no

But a real man to have and to hold

Not just for a moment

Or even a day

But someone I can love in every way

For the rest of my days

Patrika Williamson

A Little Too Quiet

I don’t always know if I’m making sense

I tend to mumble alot

And people don’t always understand me

I guess maybe because I’m scared

And it’s really hard for a person like me

To work up the courage to speak

As speaking comes easy to most

It took my whole life to be able

To sound normal

I didn’t talk much as a kid

And felt scared to speak up

Now pretending is nothing much

Of course the feeling is still there

That I’ll open my mouth and say the wrong thing

Or maybe make a fool of myself

Break down and cry or something else

The fear to me is real

I guess my anxiety

Sometimes gets the best of me

It still comes out when I say things sometimes

And I sound afraid at the wrong time

Or nervous and shaky

Unable to make me

An easy going person

Or someone who has no trouble talking to another person

I don’t know where it comes from

But I think it goes beyond shyness

It’s not just having trouble with making friends

I can’t even talk to my Mother about some things

For fear of how she will react to me

I am somewhat comfortable with her

But any other person in my life is like a stranger

That goes for my brother and extended family too

I always had trouble standing up to him too

But being able to be comfortable is just another part

The worst thing to me is finding a cure for my heart

I truly don’t want to always be this way

As I sometimes find myself in a lonely place

I don’t choose to be single

But I’ve been this way like usual

Since I was little

I hope someone will over look this and still feel comfortable

It’s not impossible

And I’m hoping God agrees

To be generous to me

Patrika Williamson