Holding me Back

Didn’t go out today

Missed church

But I’m finally getting over my cold

My depression symptoms

Have really been bothering me

I wish I could do more

But I’ve been having dreams

About things I wish I could do

It’s really spilling over

I feel like I’m holding myself back

I wish I could do much more

Like live the life I have

But I feel my depression

Is stopping me

I’ve had it bad like this in the past

But usually the anti-depressants help

I don’t know now

Sometimes what I take

Just stops working

And I can’t do anything

Like now

It’s very crippling

I don’t know what will

Bring me out

Patrika Williamson



Woke up with such a bad headache

It took a while

But I was finally OK

Finally tried Grub Hub

They didn’t take too long

And even got a coupon

For President’s day

I don’t know

When I’ll do it again

It gets expensive

I talked to my cousin

For a while

It’s been so long

Since I heard from her

We talked about everything

It was nice

We go through the same things

And she is the only person

I can relate to sometimes

But there were times

When we didn’t relate at all

But her call

Was out of the blue

I just hope she doesn’t think

I’m trying to avoid her

I don’t call her

When I know I should

I don’t really talk to anybody

I just keep to myself

It’s not good

Since I feelĀ  lonely all the time

But I’m not a social person

Patrika Williamson

Voices are a Downer

I am still trying to get over

My cold

But it is bothering my nose

My face hurts

I tried to do some home repairs

But ended up getting the wrong part

Now I have to go back to Home Depot

It’s so huge

It’s not one of my favorite stores

I was in and out of there

But I came home and was lectured

By the voices

For a while now

My depression has been worse

Than my schizophrenia

But today I was told

That I wouldn’t find anybody

I just can’t take it when I’m told

I’ll be single for the rest of my life

I pray so much

For God to send me the right man

I don’t like being single

And having them remind me

It makes me feel even worse

I wanted to cry

It’s a really sensitive subject for me

I’ve never felt so strongly about anything

I just wish I knew

What the future held for me

To be reassured

That everything is going to be alright

Would be nice

Patrika Williamson

Chugging Theraflu

Still sick

Went out though

But splurged

At the grocery store

I guess I was hungry

But since it was

A discount grocery store

I didn’t spend much

This is gonna be a long weekend

My niece is off on Monday

I got some generic Theraflu

Since I like the lemony taste

I prefer it over the cough syrup

I’ve been taking

It’s better than tea

And tastes better

I was never a big fan of

Hot drinks like coffee and tea

Since I always burn my mouth

But I used to chug down Theraflu

Because I like lemons

And it’s easier to take than

Syrup or big pills

Well hopefully when I wake up

I’ll feel a whole lot better

Patrika Williamson

Sick Day

I still have this cold

And I keep sneezing

It’s annoying

I no longer can smell anything

And have a headache again

A weird thing that happens

When I get sick is

After it’s over

I lose my voice for a few weeks

And there’s nothing I can do about it

I just strain to talk

All from a little cold

It may happen again

I remember it happening

Just a few months ago

And not going away for a while

I don’t look forward to it

Happening again

I went out to get something to eat earlier

To take my mind off

My Mom bought me a card

And a gift

It was nice that she got me something

I bought dinner for everyone

I just wish we had cake

I had a sundae

It was the highlight of my day

Patrika Williamson


I left the house today

But had trouble getting up

Hopefully I’ll make it to church

It’s just a few more days away

Maybe if I leave the house

Each day it will be easier

Or at least every other day

I don’t know

But that would be a good goal

Or maybe to go back to

The gym or something

Every morning maybe

That would be good for me

And make me healthier

I thought I could work out at home

But I haven’t tried that yet

It’s been so long since I’ve used

My Wii Balance Board

That was nice but I only play games

On my Wii U

It’s a more convenient way

To work out

Now that I think about it

Patrika Williamson



Making a Goal

For some reason

My headache came back

I don’t know if it’s

What I ate

But I watched a movie

With my Mom

And ate a little more

Than I have been

But I still feel weird

I want to leave the house again

And go to church this weekend

That is my goal

For this week

I don’t want to keep

Missing church every week

I know it is important to

Set goals and keep them

That’s all I want

Is to get out more

And not feel sick

Patrika Williamson

Getting Up

I finally left the house today

A personal triumph

I had to force myself though

But I did it

I got some fresh air

And ran some errands

Thought I couldn’t get out of bed

But did

Feeling better

But not the best

No pain

Nor sign of queasiness

Like the last few days

Just the lowness

I just want to get up

Maybe to practice guitar

With a new songbook

I got one today

But didn’t play

This one looks easy

It’s called “Simple Songs”

Or something

But I have to try

And not do nothing

Patrika Williamson

Going up then Down

The difference between

Being healthy and depressed

With life you wanna live

Depression means

No motivation to live life

I wanna sleep more

I don’t wanna eat

Just no interest in anything

I wish my meds would work

But I’ve been in this place before

When I was waiting for my CPAP machine

I felt great after I started using it

But now I feel I’ve gone downhill

I didn’t make it to church today

I have to push myself tomorrow

It’s just about pushing myself

So I can get out and do things

That are important

I have to push through life

And try to keep up

It’s a struggle

Patrika Williamson

Another Day

My headache finally went away

But I still feel weird

I don’t know why

I want to go out tomorrow

For church

So I can finally leave the house

I just need to run an errand afterwards

But I hope I can do it

I didn’t eat a lot today

I want to keep this up

Haven’t weighed myself

In a while though

I just want to lose something

And feel better

I guess I’m a bit scared

That my weight isn’t going anywhere

When you want to lose weight

But don’t have the will power

What do you do

Patrika Williamson