Making a Goal

For some reason

My headache came back

I don’t know if it’s

What I ate

But I watched a movie

With my Mom

And ate a little more

Than I have been

But I still feel weird

I want to leave the house again

And go to church this weekend

That is my goal

For this week

I don’t want to keep

Missing church every week

I know it is important to

Set goals and keep them

That’s all I want

Is to get out more

And not feel sick

Patrika Williamson



Looking towards the future

Is hard to me

When I have so many dreams

There are so many things

I want out of life

But I’ve only asked for them

So many times

I can be upbeat

But it’s not so easy

I just go through life thinking

That one day

It will all go my way

I have dreams

That life will be easy

Of course it’s not

It’s one thing to dream

And another to have the real thing

Why do I have to wait for nothing

I’m not beat down

Just reflecting

It’s hard to be happy

When my dreams aren’t reality

It’s not the same as depression

In my opinion

I can get out of bed

I can live

It’s just hard to grin

It doesn’t last

Not my CPAP

Not the meds


I just continue to dream

Of the most simplest things

Patrika Williamson


A Dream Out Of Reach

Have you ever wanted something so bad

That you couldn’t stand it

I don’t know what to do with myself

I can’t even wait for it

I feel so powerless

No matter what I try

It doesn’t help

And I can’t stop thinking about it either

My life is lacking

And my heart is so empty

I don’t know how to stop this

All I’ve ever wanted was happiness

And I can’t ignore it

Nor can I live without it

My face shows it

I keep feeling like

God has turned his back on me

Or I’m just not ready

For what I can’t stop praying for

Who wants to die unhappy and alone

My fixation on one goal

Is so hard to let go

I am not trying to take advantage

Of God’s goodness

Or test his powers which are boundless

I’m just one of his children

In search of another loving person

Who I can love

And who will love me

I won’t give up hope

Since it’s what I know I’m lacking

In my life

And there’s nothing else

That can replace

TheĀ  feeling of true happiness

I think about it everyday

And can’t forget for a second

That I feel alone

Without a partner to

Laugh at my jokes

And finish my sentences

Plus all the other wonderful things

That come with being

With the man of my dreams

Patrika Williamson

I Never Regret It

What is next on the horizon

I wonder to myself

Will I meet the man of my dreams

When I’m least expecting it

Will I go back to writing fiction

Learn how to play the guitar

Or maybe find peace within myself

I’d love to have the voices in my head

Go away forever

But it’s not necessarily something

I have control over

Whether I talk to them or not

I know they’re still there

Waiting for the right moment to break in

But it makes me wonder

What would it be like if I had a significant other

Would they break in and make me angry

When I want to have privacy

Especially when I want to have it with someone else

It’s not always quiet in my head

And I feel like they’re keeping their eyes on me

Even though sometimes they aren’t bothering me

Some things aren’t very easy to ignore

And that’s when I have to turn to my hobbies

But my new one is now playing the guitar

Well actually I spent most of my time tuning it

But still it keeps me busy

Rather than sitting around talking and listening

To them as they try to get on my nerves

And to be seen and heard

I seem to taunt them as much as I can

It makes me laugh and takes away from the fact that

I used to feel like I was going crazy

Like they were all out to get me

I know I’ve said God is amazing

But I think at the time I was being tested

This was way before I was saved

And before I believed in the Lord wholeheartedly

Some wonder how can God allow something like this

But God never said life would be easy the whole way through

We all have our trials and tribulations

And things we have to go through

It makes us stronger as they say

I can’t speak for everybody

Knowing there are so many people in the world suffering

But from my own experience

I’m glad I finally chose to believe in God on my own

And not because it was what my family wanted me to do

I finally came forward and chose to be a Christian

And have not regretted this decision

It’s not bad and the benefits are better

Than anything of this world

Patrika Williamson

Getting Out

For some healing I’ve decided to

Go back to school

Or sort of

I want to open my mind

And learn something new

I’m OK as long as I don’t have to

Perform or do a report

Like some project of sort

In front of a class

But working independently as

This is what I’ve always been better at

And try to meet new people

Slowly but surely

I’m only going to take two classes

But what I’m taking

Shouldn’t be too stressful

And maybe one of the two

Will open doors to a new career

Not just help me with my writing

But give me a better marketable skill

I will be taking up typing

And a guitar class too

It will give me a musical hobby

That I hope is fun to learn

Typing is cool since I’d like to

Be a typing guru

And increase my speed to 80 words

But if not I’ll settle for 50 or more

Maybe if I can learn to play guitar

I could set music to words since I used

To love to write songs

I one day gave it up

But there’s no reason not to start up

And do it again

And hopefully being around others

Will help me feel more comfortable

Get me out of the house

And hopefully make a new friend

Which would be something positive

For me to beat my depression

Patrika Williamson

Getting Through the Day

Keeping positive is always important

When your battling depression

I suffer from this just as bad

As if not even worse than my schizo–

Well you know

But anyway

It’s a long word that I don’t always mention

If ever about myself

When talking to other people

Actually although it’s intersting

I do not think

That it’s something that most people would

Look at as being cool

I tend to think it is

Since my hallucinations seem pretty real

And not just my mind breaking into a daydream

Or something easily explainable

I got lost again

But I think that’s a part of it too

I have to keep positive

Or else I end up getting depressed

And when my depression gets bad

It effects my life in such a way

That I can’t do anything

That is normally easy for me to do

Positive thinking is one of the best ways

But also having faith in God

Being a believer that there is something out there

More greater than myself

Looking forward to my future

Taking my antidepressants

And of course having goals

Are all ways to chase away the blues

Even if they don’t sound too easy to do

They are all tried and true

Patrika Williamson


Write On

It’s hard to not think about the future

Sometimes I wish I was psychic

Always wondering if I’ll succeed at something bigger than me

But I have such high standards

And forget it’s me who has to do it

No one else will live my life for me

But since I have an audience

It’s like having to keep myself from cracking up too

I try to enjoy happy moments

And make them last

I write poems and stories

To escape from my life as it stands

I’m not sure how entertaining I truly am

But when I make people laugh I’m glad

Inside and out of my own head

The world to me is full of people I can entertain

With the things I catch and put on a page

Will make someone else’s day

Or at least inspire someone else to do the same

Everyone should write

And not skimp on detailing their lives

Writing can be a way of getting out what’s caught up in your mind

Hopefully you’ll find

That your voice is a powerful force

And it never gets hoarse

No one ever has to read it

Just keep it your secret

Or pass it on

Maybe it may help another person

Only what you write down is certain

And no one can stop you

Write on

Patrika Williamson

Why do I keep drawing blanks?

Just as I ask myself that

I’m left sitting here

Unable to come up with something good

But in my case

It’s saying something interesting

Trying to be a little entertaining

While attempting to explain

Why my life is nowhere near plain

I may still live at home

Single as they come

And better at rebelling

Then keeping a job

But I have a resiliency about me

Trying dearly to keep my sanity

Not that I’ll burst from dissatisfaction

That my life is no where near what I dreamed

When I finished high school

Years ago

But I still find myself clinging onto hope

That all the things that bother me about my life now

Will one day be the opposite

And I won’t want to change a thing

My life will seem more complete

And have more meaning

Patrika Williamson

Prompt: Fifty

It’s never too late to set goals. And I tend to put it off since I have trouble with being positive. But I’ll try now.

When I’m fifty

I hope everything will

Be a reality

My fantasy

Of becoming

A famous writer

To still be a fighter

Having best selling novels

And loads of fans and followers

With the best life posible

To be married is plausable

Have a family of my own

And a few kids before I’m old

My life finally happy

A true meaning for me

To not feel that I’ve wasted time

Worrying if I’ll make the climb

From this blue feeling

Into a positive woman hoping

That my goals and dreams

Coming true will be it seams

The best thing for me

By the time I’m fifty

I’ll feel good about myself

And my life as well

To not have to take pills

To give me an artificial feel

Of a nicer reality

Patrika Williamson