Socializing

Woke up with such a bad headache

It took a while

But I was finally OK

Finally tried Grub Hub

They didn’t take too long

And even got a coupon

For President’s day

I don’t know

When I’ll do it again

It gets expensive

I talked to my cousin

For a while

It’s been so long

Since I heard from her

We talked about everything

It was nice

We go through the same things

And she is the only person

I can relate to sometimes

But there were times

When we didn’t relate at all

But her call

Was out of the blue

I just hope she doesn’t think

I’m trying to avoid her

I don’t call her

When I know I should

I don’t really talk to anybody

I just keep to myself

It’s not good

Since I feelĀ  lonely all the time

But I’m not a social person

Patrika Williamson

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Sick Day

I still have this cold

And I keep sneezing

It’s annoying

I no longer can smell anything

And have a headache again

A weird thing that happens

When I get sick is

After it’s over

I lose my voice for a few weeks

And there’s nothing I can do about it

I just strain to talk

All from a little cold

It may happen again

I remember it happening

Just a few months ago

And not going away for a while

I don’t look forward to it

Happening again

I went out to get something to eat earlier

To take my mind off

My Mom bought me a card

And a gift

It was nice that she got me something

I bought dinner for everyone

I just wish we had cake

I had a sundae

It was the highlight of my day

Patrika Williamson

Home Alone

Today was a quiet day

I just stayed home

By myself

And watched some TV

I like it when it’s quiet

But tomorrow is Sunday

And I need to go to church

I think I can do it

I have gotten out

A few days this week already

So I can make it back

And I really like the series

That’s going on now about prayer

It’s weird but

I haven’t practiced guitar

In quite a while

I just haven’t thought about it

And since it was quite today

It would have been perfect

Maybe tomorrow after church

Patrika Williamson

 

Life at Home

I did a bit better today

Even though it took me

A while to get up

I had to babysit my niece

It wasn’t hard though

I have to do it from time to time

I just don’t know what to do

When my niece gets hyper

She gets it from her dad

She loves to play video games

We finally beat

“Super Mario 3D World”

The other day

But it unlocked more levels

So we still play the game

She never gets tired of it

It’s something she looks forward to

Whenever she

Comes home from school

And she’s only five

I think at that age

I just played with dolls

But she does that too

Patrika Williamson

Scaredy Cat

I went out to brunch today

With my Mother

Was stuffed

It was nice getting out

With my Mom

Later my cat Apollo

Got so spooked today

He hid under my Mom’s bed

I had to lure him out to eat

He stayed under there for hours

But I don’t know what he saw

He was in my window

Then suddenly ran out

Him and his sister

Always sit in the window

But it’s a mystery

I don’t know what could have

Scared him so much

He finally came out at night

Since he likes to sleep in my bed

I hugged him and tried to cuddle

But he ended up leaving again

He’s usually the brave one

Out of the two

I hope he’s OK tomorrow

Patrika Williamson

My Mother’s Pain

I went out today

But didn’t get around to practicing

I did a little shopping

And then came home

But I haven’t been able to

Visit the gym yet

My Mother has been

Having pains lately

She has chronic pain

And it was caused by

A car accident years ago

It’s gotten worse over

The years and been in different places

She gets a lot of migraines too

I couldn’t imagine

Living with chronic pain

It is crippling to my Mother

She has tried numerous things

Over the years

Including pain medication

But never surgery

She has been having

A lot of knee pain lately

I always pray for her pains

To go away

I just wish she could be healed

Patrika Williamson

 

My Mother’s Birthday

Today was my Mom’s birthday

So I scrambled around and got

Her everything

But we usually don’t have big blowouts

And my brother’s ex

Brought over my niece and nephew

So my Mom got to see them too

We hadn’t seen them in a few months

My Mom even got to see her new baby

My Mom loves babies

I haven’t had any unfortunately

I had to go to my room after a while

I sometimes get nervous

When I’m around several people

Some social settings I can handle

But when it’s close

I can’t

Family gatherings were always a challenge

Growing up

We’d go to my Grandmother’s house

And have a big dinner every holiday

I wouldn’t talk and just sat to myself

I never knew what it was

I guess it was bad anxiety

But it wasn’t until adulthood

When I was finally diagnosed with it

I had such a traumatic childhood

Patrika Williamson

 

Childhood Trauma

Finally saw a doctor today

After being at the clinic all morning

After talking to a social worker

I was reminded of how traumatic

My life was growing up

I lived through abuse

Not by a parent

But by my younger brother

I kind of down-played it

As I described it

To the social worker

But abuse is abuse

I’ve been hit

I’ve been threatened

Maybe that’s why I have problems

Forming relationships

Plus I’m always nervous

I can recall times when

I thought he might kill me

I was just so scared

It was hard to get away from him

The only thing that separates us now

Is that he’s in prison

We’re still in contact though

Although the abuse stopped

Years ago

I still have trouble severing ties

Patrika Williamson

Missing Dad

I can’t be anybody else but me

I was thinking about my dad just now

Wondering why he stopped talking to me

Years ago by some chance encounter

I was able to be reunited with him

After not having him in my life

For most of my childhood

We talked on the phone daily

And I got to meet him as an adult

But only once

After that I don’t know what happened to him

Did I scare him away

Was there something I had not said

Like please stay in my life

Though I could not truly say

That I loved him

Since he is like a stranger to me

I still wanted something

To have him walk me down the aisle

Or to give me advice

I don’t know

Whatever people do with their fathers

I can’t now

He stopped talking to me

Just like when he left my Mother

I couldn’t say stay

And when he never saw me again

I wondered why

Did I do something

Or was he ashamed

Did he think he couldn’t be a dad

A man who would stay

I’m so close to my Mother

I could never imagine not having her

She is the only one I can turn to

I’m just left blaming myself

Like I said something wrong

During one of our many conversations

I wonder how he could ever say

He loved me

If he couldn’t stay in my life

It’s not my fault

He’s a grown man

And has made plenty of bad choices

But maybe I shouldn’t say that

He is still my dad

And the only one I’ll ever have

Patrika Williamon

So Frustrating

I was so angry

In my dream last night

I had just moved into

My college dorm room

And every time I looked

My roommate changed

Everything around

My stuff kept getting moved

I didn’t know why

And then when they told me

Something didn’t work

I would get mad and break stuff

But not purposefully

I’d get really clumsy and break something

It was embarrassing

I was so frustrated

I don’t know why I was dreaming about college

But when I’m angry and frustrated in a dream

I usually am for real

My older niece still practically lives on the couch

She is very rude as well

We can’t even talk around her

It’s one thing to be a rude adult

But to be a rude kid is another

She seems to think that if she is loud enough

She can get her way

And the way she talks

Is as if she thinks she runs the show

If I had my way

She wouldn’t be staying with us

She’s too young to think she’s grown

Unfortunately my Mom isn’t old-school

So a her methods aren’t enough

I just don’t know when she’ll act like

A normal twelve year old

Patrika Williamson