Voices are a Downer

I am still trying to get over

My cold

But it is bothering my nose

My face hurts

I tried to do some home repairs

But ended up getting the wrong part

Now I have to go back to Home Depot

It’s so huge

It’s not one of my favorite stores

I was in and out of there

But I came home and was lectured

By the voices

For a while now

My depression has been worse

Than my schizophrenia

But today I was told

That I wouldn’t find anybody

I just can’t take it when I’m told

I’ll be single for the rest of my life

I pray so much

For God to send me the right man

I don’t like being single

And having them remind me

It makes me feel even worse

I wanted to cry

It’s a really sensitive subject for me

I’ve never felt so strongly about anything

I just wish I knew

What the future held for me

To be reassured

That everything is going to be alright

Would be nice

Patrika Williamson

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Tuning into God

Despite feeling down

I dragged myself to church today

Had a little trouble

Getting into it

But the sermon was good

It was about prayer

And setting prayer goals

I didn’t know it could be so complicated

I liked it but

Now I need to rethink how I pray

And that’s really important

At one point the pastor

Gave an example of all the excuses we make

About not having enough faith

Well actually I forgot

But I felt like he was describing me

It was so weird

He named all of my fears

I do pray every night

But after listening to this sermon

I will start setting aside a time in the morning

For prayer and listening

Like he suggested

One of the things I’m guilty of is talking

Asking for things and not listening

To what God has to say

It’s not all about me when I pray

It’s about speaking to God

And making a connection

Filtering out all the static

Well the pastor used the radio

As an example

We tune in to what we want to hear

But if we really try

We can hear God speaking to us

Well I really am glad I made it to church today

Patrika Williamson

 

What I Really Want

I prayed so hard last night

I wasn’t really trying

But it made me realize what I want

I usually think about the things that I want

In a man

Since I’m single

But this time I realized that it’s not about

The physical aspects like eye color or height

I just thought that the emotional stuff

Like making someone smile

Or waking up next to that special person

It’s a big deal

More than what you see from the outside

And if it never fades away

Than that’s something you can’t buy

Or make up for

If you do happen to

Have someone special in your life

Hold on to them

And never take them for granted

Patrika Williamson

Going Back

Made it out today

Got to church

For a special on movies

Our church was popping

There was a DJ in the lobby

Face painting outside

And balloon animals

The pastor reviewed the movie

Hidden Figures

He has a special series he does

Every year

On movies

Where he relates a different movie

Every week

To the Holy Bible

It was nice going back

Everyone was friendly

And the woman sitting next to me

Bought me popcorn

I need to go back regularly

For the worship and atmosphere

I am thankful that I fought my laziness

And that I was able to get out

Of the house

Patrika Williamson

Waiting

Last night I dreamed of waiting

I wanted to get a chemical peel

But the wait was so long

I wanted to do it so bad

Because I had a coupon

And every time I talked to them

They said they couldn’t take me in

I wondered why they couldn’t just

Schedule appointments

Instead of turning away customers

I finally talked to someone

And she got me in by telling

The person in charge

That I was bitten by a rat

I was happy that I was finally being seen

In life I am waiting for

My prayers to be answered

It seems like it’s taking forever sometimes

And I feel like I keep getting turned away

Instead of it being set up like an appointment

As we are so accustomed to

We have to wait on God’s schedule

I have been told this many times before

If we don’t then we seek other ways

To get help

Or try to do things on our own

When I have taken matters into my own hands

In the past it’s ended up in disaster

I know I must wait

If I want the best results

Patrika Williamson

I Wish It Were Real

Not knowing but dreaming

Is interesting

I dreamed again

That I had met someone

I have these dreams

Every now and then

I’ll be talking to a guy

Who is really nice

I’ll feel so comfortable

In front of him

And we’ll just get along

Very well

I can’t wait until this happens

In my waking life

I really want to meet

The right guy

The only other thing I remember

Is getting free lunch

At school

And some other

School related things

Maybe a graduation too

But the meeting stuck out

Since it’s something

I really want to happen

But on it’s own

Not forced

Or brought on

By a dating app or site

I told God I gave up on that for good

And now I’m just hoping

He’ll come through

Patrika Williamson

 

I Need Some Positiveness

Spent a bit of time out of the house

Still hot though

My kitten Apollo was so hot yesterday

That he stayed in the living room all night

Practiced a bit of guitar yesterday

Wrote a complete song

About praying to God

I never thought I could do it

But it all came together

At one time

And I just hope it doesn’t sound too negative

But I did it though

Quicker than the first song I wrote

I actually used some of the melodies

I had already come up with

To make it easy

I think I should keep writing

Pain is what drives me

And tomorrow is Sunday

So that means I need to go back to church

Hopefully it will perk me up

I need some positivity in my life now

Patrika Williamson

Inspired to Compose

I was thinking about

Writing another song

I’m feeling down again

And I used to only write

When I was depressed

I plan to go to prayer

In the morning

Maybe stop for breakfast

And I need to return to church

This Sunday

It’s up to me to make it

But it’s been weeks since I’ve gone

So I need to drown myself

In the Lord

Church usually perks me up

I found out that I’ve actually

Lost a few pounds

I haven’t been eating as much

Which is good

But if I want to see a real difference

I need to go back to the gym

Still hot

But I’ve gotten a bigger fan

And all of my frogs are dying

I don’t know if I’ll replace them

Since they’re dropping fast

I still need to focus on my kittens

Who are experiencing their first summer

And mostly sleep in cool places

Patrika Williamson

 

 

Getting Older

I remember a song by America

It refers to lonely people

It just came to my mind at the moment

I tend to write alot about being lonely

And how it affects me

Each day I hope I will meet the man of my dreams

As my faith decreases

I wonder what will happen to me

I get older and heavier

But luckily I don’t age

I have a few grey hairs

Growing out of my head

It’s just weird

I never pictured myself

Being this old and never ever

Being in love

Not even one boyfriend

Sure I’ve dated

But the guys never really

Seemed to like me

So what does happen

To lonely people like me

There has to be like so many

I go to church

I pray

I wonder what God has in store for me

I read one day that some people chose to stay single

But I never did

And I never would willingly

I can’t say I have any experiences

That would make me shy away

From settling down

And I look at my brother

With all of the his issues

And he’s managed to always have a girlfriend

And was even married briefly

But me the quiet one

Has never had experience with

Any of those things

I know I should not be jealous

Or envious

But it makes me wonder

What have I done

So wrong that has brought me

To this stage in my life

Am I not friendly enough

Or not cool enough

What

I don’t know

I just wonder if I’ll just get old

And never know

Patrika Williamson

Feeling Good

Still eagerly awaiting my results

From last nights event

I thought about it

And even if I don’t get any matches

I’ll be OK

Because God will never leave me

I know that as long as I believe in him

He will answer my prayers

I was so devastated the last time I went

And didn’t get any matches

So even if I haven’t met the right guy

Maybe he’ll come along one day

And be perfect in every way

It took a lot for me to get to this point

I know God never disappoints

And with enough faith

It will turn into a miracle

So other than that

I’ll focus on myself

And finding the right job

Which I’m also hoping

I’ll stumble upon

So I am doing a bit better

And don’t feel as low

As I was the other day

Patrika Williamson