Dreams

Looking towards the future

Is hard to me

When I have so many dreams

There are so many things

I want out of life

But I’ve only asked for them

So many times

I can be upbeat

But it’s not so easy

I just go through life thinking

That one day

It will all go my way

I have dreams

That life will be easy

Of course it’s not

It’s one thing to dream

And another to have the real thing

Why do I have to wait for nothing

I’m not beat down

Just reflecting

It’s hard to be happy

When my dreams aren’t reality

It’s not the same as depression

In my opinion

I can get out of bed

I can live

It’s just hard to grin

It doesn’t last

Not my CPAP

Not the meds

Nothing

I just continue to dream

Of the most simplest things

Patrika Williamson

 

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So Frustrating

I was so angry

In my dream last night

I had just moved into

My college dorm room

And every time I looked

My roommate changed

Everything around

My stuff kept getting moved

I didn’t know why

And then when they told me

Something didn’t work

I would get mad and break stuff

But not purposefully

I’d get really clumsy and break something

It was embarrassing

I was so frustrated

I don’t know why I was dreaming about college

But when I’m angry and frustrated in a dream

I usually am for real

My older niece still practically lives on the couch

She is very rude as well

We can’t even talk around her

It’s one thing to be a rude adult

But to be a rude kid is another

She seems to think that if she is loud enough

She can get her way

And the way she talks

Is as if she thinks she runs the show

If I had my way

She wouldn’t be staying with us

She’s too young to think she’s grown

Unfortunately my Mom isn’t old-school

So a her methods aren’t enough

I just don’t know when she’ll act like

A normal twelve year old

Patrika Williamson

Fighting Zombies

It was empowering

In my dreams last night

I was fighting zombies

For a group of women

They were all male

But at the end

I found out

That the army of women

I was fighting with

Were protecting the children

And wounded who were left

I had skills

I was only working with a shield and joist

And on an injured foot

But I did it

I like being a hero in my dreams

But it made me feel a bit lonely

The men were scarce

That weren’t afflicted

The zombies symbolize thought

And how I am trying to impress others

I tend to look for acceptance

And maybe this was me

Fighting to be myself

I guess even though

I want to be different

I still feel like I am being punished

By not feeling popular enough

Patrika Williamson

Wondering

As I wonder what to write today

Pictures go through my mind

I am spending this time

Trying to focus

And get this done

With little inspiration

I still manage to fill the page

And don’t always know

What’s best to say

I just sit down

And write

Sometimes about a dream

I’ve had last night

Like the night before

I actually had finals in high school

But as much as the tests

Had me stressed

It was more about how much time I had

I forgot about all my other classes

In reality I don’t have such a stressful life

But staying inside

And not keeping cool enough

Drives me nuts

I don’t want to do things

Like I used to

And getting ready is a pain

I can’t wait

For this part of my life

To be over

But I have to live through it

And no one else will take my place

Patrika Williamson

Waiting

Last night I dreamed of waiting

I wanted to get a chemical peel

But the wait was so long

I wanted to do it so bad

Because I had a coupon

And every time I talked to them

They said they couldn’t take me in

I wondered why they couldn’t just

Schedule appointments

Instead of turning away customers

I finally talked to someone

And she got me in by telling

The person in charge

That I was bitten by a rat

I was happy that I was finally being seen

In life I am waiting for

My prayers to be answered

It seems like it’s taking forever sometimes

And I feel like I keep getting turned away

Instead of it being set up like an appointment

As we are so accustomed to

We have to wait on God’s schedule

I have been told this many times before

If we don’t then we seek other ways

To get help

Or try to do things on our own

When I have taken matters into my own hands

In the past it’s ended up in disaster

I know I must wait

If I want the best results

Patrika Williamson

I Wish It Were Real

Not knowing but dreaming

Is interesting

I dreamed again

That I had met someone

I have these dreams

Every now and then

I’ll be talking to a guy

Who is really nice

I’ll feel so comfortable

In front of him

And we’ll just get along

Very well

I can’t wait until this happens

In my waking life

I really want to meet

The right guy

The only other thing I remember

Is getting free lunch

At school

And some other

School related things

Maybe a graduation too

But the meeting stuck out

Since it’s something

I really want to happen

But on it’s own

Not forced

Or brought on

By a dating app or site

I told God I gave up on that for good

And now I’m just hoping

He’ll come through

Patrika Williamson

 

Daily Life

Cooped up in my room these days

But I was able to rest

Not that I need alot

But I do

And I still have my routine

At night

Before I go to bed

I read and write

And I also prayer

Right before I got to bed

I also lost all of my frogs

I don’t know what happened

They all just died one by one

I don’t know if it was the heat or what

And interesting thing I dreamed about

The other day

Was that I was in high school again

But this time

My brother and I

Were running away from a

Group of actors

Who had gone crazy

And were beating up everybody severely

But I woke up before they caught us

It surprised me that I was with my brother

The fact that I was running away meant

I’m trying to get out of a situation

Helping him now that he is in prison

May be one of them

It may sound cruel

But he has done some pretty bad things in his life

And the fact that he is in prison now

Is no mistake

I just don’t think there’s much I can do to

Get him out of serving a long sentence

Patrika Williamson

Tomorrow

I’m feeling a little better today

Got out of the house briefly

I even pulled out my guitar

And strummed a little

The event I was going to

Is still on for tomorrow

I had a positive dream

About it last night

In the dream I met someone

And they were really nice

I guess I can’t get it off my mind

But I am going to leave extra early

And giving myself plenty of time to get ready

I just hope it goes well

I’ve been praying about it lately

And wanting everything to go well

It’s all about being comfortable

And myself

If there’s even one match

It will be worth it

Patrika Williamson

 

Oddball

I had so many more dreams

Of being teased in school

What is wrong with me

I even was in detention

Was introduced to new voices

Well yesterday

And they all expressed hatred for me

That’s like the in thing for them

It’s hard when you’re fragile like me

I didn’t grow up with a lot of encouragement

So I’m used to feeling like the oddball

I just kept to myself

And didn’t really talk alot

And I was the mysterious one

No one knew a lot about me

Only that I was quiet

And not very friendly

To this day I’m still that way

But since I don’t have a job

And not in school at the moment

I just take up solace in my room

But it isn’t a big deal

It has a comfortable feel

Patrika Williamson

Flying In My Sleep

I was flying in my dream

It was weird

I was in the air

But I couldn’t get very high

I was scared I’d hit the power lines

So I flew low

I kept wanting to go around them

But couldn’t

And I was just entering 12th grade

In high school

I was needing to empty my locker

Since it was about to be summer

And I didn’t get all the stuff out

But I had another school lined up

To go for senior year

I can’t remember all the details

But I felt unwelcome at the new school

In my waking life

I feel funny about my Mom losing her storage space

I had stuff there that was valuable

And I don’t know if I’ll lose them

But that’s probably what

Losing the stuff in my locker meant

The flying dream wasn’t a positive experience

I felt that I was holding myself back

Because of fear

I suffer from anxiety

And it keeps me from being open and friendly

It was an interesting way to see it

Patrika Williamson