Holding me Back

Didn’t go out today

Missed church

But I’m finally getting over my cold

My depression symptoms

Have really been bothering me

I wish I could do more

But I’ve been having dreams

About things I wish I could do

It’s really spilling over

I feel like I’m holding myself back

I wish I could do much more

Like live the life I have

But I feel my depression

Is stopping me

I’ve had it bad like this in the past

But usually the anti-depressants help

I don’t know now

Sometimes what I take

Just stops working

And I can’t do anything

Like now

It’s very crippling

I don’t know what will

Bring me out

Patrika Williamson

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Socializing

Woke up with such a bad headache

It took a while

But I was finally OK

Finally tried Grub Hub

They didn’t take too long

And even got a coupon

For President’s day

I don’t know

When I’ll do it again

It gets expensive

I talked to my cousin

For a while

It’s been so long

Since I heard from her

We talked about everything

It was nice

We go through the same things

And she is the only person

I can relate to sometimes

But there were times

When we didn’t relate at all

But her call

Was out of the blue

I just hope she doesn’t think

I’m trying to avoid her

I don’t call her

When I know I should

I don’t really talk to anybody

I just keep to myself

It’s not good

Since I feelĀ  lonely all the time

But I’m not a social person

Patrika Williamson

Voices are a Downer

I am still trying to get over

My cold

But it is bothering my nose

My face hurts

I tried to do some home repairs

But ended up getting the wrong part

Now I have to go back to Home Depot

It’s so huge

It’s not one of my favorite stores

I was in and out of there

But I came home and was lectured

By the voices

For a while now

My depression has been worse

Than my schizophrenia

But today I was told

That I wouldn’t find anybody

I just can’t take it when I’m told

I’ll be single for the rest of my life

I pray so much

For God to send me the right man

I don’t like being single

And having them remind me

It makes me feel even worse

I wanted to cry

It’s a really sensitive subject for me

I’ve never felt so strongly about anything

I just wish I knew

What the future held for me

To be reassured

That everything is going to be alright

Would be nice

Patrika Williamson

Sick Day

I still have this cold

And I keep sneezing

It’s annoying

I no longer can smell anything

And have a headache again

A weird thing that happens

When I get sick is

After it’s over

I lose my voice for a few weeks

And there’s nothing I can do about it

I just strain to talk

All from a little cold

It may happen again

I remember it happening

Just a few months ago

And not going away for a while

I don’t look forward to it

Happening again

I went out to get something to eat earlier

To take my mind off

My Mom bought me a card

And a gift

It was nice that she got me something

I bought dinner for everyone

I just wish we had cake

I had a sundae

It was the highlight of my day

Patrika Williamson

Cuddling with Cats

Went to the grocery store today

I am glad I got out finally

It wasn’t too hard

I just didn’t want to get out of bed

Because it was cold

And my cat Apollo wanted to cuddle

He usually sleeps with me

At night too

He’s a lot closer to me

Than his sister Venus

I love to hold him

But my Mom is very fond of her

Venus likes to sleep in her room

But when it’s just me in the house

They both cling to me

It’s the only time she will be around me

When they were kittens

They both used to sleep on my chest

It was so cute

They were so much smaller then

But that was a year ago

Now they fight over the best spot

To sleep in

Apollo seems to bully his sister

We always have to break them up

On rare occasions

I’ve spotted them cuddling together

While they were asleep

But usually they sleep separately

Cats are interesting

Patrika Williamson

Dinner Delivered

I didn’t leave the house again

I was at home alone

And got so hungry

I knew that even places like

McDonald’s had delivery

So I ordered a sandwich

From an Italian restaraunt

I am such a bargain hunter

I had to sort through site

After site

Looking for coupons that worked

I ended up ordering from Yelp

There was a place that didn’t charge

A delivery fee

I never found a working coupon though

I really wanted to order from Grubbub

But none of the coupons worked

Then I tried UberEats

They had a five buck coupon

But their delivery fee was

Five bucks too

So I just gave up

I used to get coupons from Yelp

For two bucks off

But I couldn’t find any

It took a while

But I didn’t care

I was just glad to get something

Food delivery is cool

If you don’t care how much

You are going to spend

Patrika Williamson

 

Scaredy Cat

I went out to brunch today

With my Mother

Was stuffed

It was nice getting out

With my Mom

Later my cat Apollo

Got so spooked today

He hid under my Mom’s bed

I had to lure him out to eat

He stayed under there for hours

But I don’t know what he saw

He was in my window

Then suddenly ran out

Him and his sister

Always sit in the window

But it’s a mystery

I don’t know what could have

Scared him so much

He finally came out at night

Since he likes to sleep in my bed

I hugged him and tried to cuddle

But he ended up leaving again

He’s usually the brave one

Out of the two

I hope he’s OK tomorrow

Patrika Williamson

Alternatives

I left the house today

But had trouble getting up

Hopefully I’ll make it to church

It’s just a few more days away

Maybe if I leave the house

Each day it will be easier

Or at least every other day

I don’t know

But that would be a good goal

Or maybe to go back to

The gym or something

Every morning maybe

That would be good for me

And make me healthier

I thought I could work out at home

But I haven’t tried that yet

It’s been so long since I’ve used

My Wii Balance Board

That was nice but I only play games

On my Wii U

It’s a more convenient way

To work out

Now that I think about it

Patrika Williamson

 

 

Making a Goal

For some reason

My headache came back

I don’t know if it’s

What I ate

But I watched a movie

With my Mom

And ate a little more

Than I have been

But I still feel weird

I want to leave the house again

And go to church this weekend

That is my goal

For this week

I don’t want to keep

Missing church every week

I know it is important to

Set goals and keep them

That’s all I want

Is to get out more

And not feel sick

Patrika Williamson

Getting Up

I finally left the house today

A personal triumph

I had to force myself though

But I did it

I got some fresh air

And ran some errands

Thought I couldn’t get out of bed

But did

Feeling better

But not the best

No pain

Nor sign of queasiness

Like the last few days

Just the lowness

I just want to get up

Maybe to practice guitar

With a new songbook

I got one today

But didn’t play

This one looks easy

It’s called “Simple Songs”

Or something

But I have to try

And not do nothing

Patrika Williamson