Making a Goal

For some reason

My headache came back

I don’t know if it’s

What I ate

But I watched a movie

With my Mom

And ate a little more

Than I have been

But I still feel weird

I want to leave the house again

And go to church this weekend

That is my goal

For this week

I don’t want to keep

Missing church every week

I know it is important to

Set goals and keep them

That’s all I want

Is to get out more

And not feel sick

Patrika Williamson


Getting Up

I finally left the house today

A personal triumph

I had to force myself though

But I did it

I got some fresh air

And ran some errands

Thought I couldn’t get out of bed

But did

Feeling better

But not the best

No pain

Nor sign of queasiness

Like the last few days

Just the lowness

I just want to get up

Maybe to practice guitar

With a new songbook

I got one today

But didn’t play

This one looks easy

It’s called “Simple Songs”

Or something

But I have to try

And not do nothing

Patrika Williamson

Going up then Down

The difference between

Being healthy and depressed

With life you wanna live

Depression means

No motivation to live life

I wanna sleep more

I don’t wanna eat

Just no interest in anything

I wish my meds would work

But I’ve been in this place before

When I was waiting for my CPAP machine

I felt great after I started using it

But now I feel I’ve gone downhill

I didn’t make it to church today

I have to push myself tomorrow

It’s just about pushing myself

So I can get out and do things

That are important

I have to push through life

And try to keep up

It’s a struggle

Patrika Williamson

My Sanctuary

I practiced more Beatles

I’m focusing on “Nowhere Man”

I want to sound smoother

Oddly enough I haven’t gotten out

The last few days

I don’t feel depressed

But I want to do more

I just don’t have much

To do these days

I want to get one of the speakers

Replaced in my car

But won’t have much money

This month

Music is so important to me

I have to always have it playing

When I’m driving

I guess it just calms me

I used to get really nervous

When I drove

But I don’t drive with anyone else

In my car

That also makes me nervous still

I just drive alone

And sing along to the music

I guess besides my room

It’s my sanctuary

I have to escape

Patrika Williamson

Working Out

Didn’t leave the house today

Trying to keep a routine

Of guitar practice

I didn’t feel too depressed

But starting new meds tomorrow

I will finally get off of what

Gave me so many side effects

I hope what I will be taking now

Won’t affect me too much

I want to go back to the gym

And try to get healthy

If I go back with my Mom

Maybe I can start going

A few times a week

I found out that I can stay on

The elliptical for an hour

And it burns way more calories

Than walking on the treadmill

But for some reason my feet

Kind of fall asleep

If I’m on it that long

So I usually would do thirty minutes

A good workout did make me feel good

I just hope I can see some results

Patrika Williamson





Left the house today

I feel a bit better

It’s amazing

I’m down to just 4 pills a day

I still haven’t had a breakdown

Aside from my depression

I thought it would be much worse

Running out of meds I mean

I finally get to go to the doctor tomorrow

Well if I’m lucky enough to get called in

They go by need

And not first come first served

Like most walk-in clinics are

I hope they can see me

So I can get something that will

Take away my appetite

My weight is slowly climbing

Hopefully my new doctor will be good

I don’t know where else I can go

Well the hospital

But I dread that

I’m always scared when I’m there

So many patients

And you have no idea

Why they’re there

But as long as I have my CPAP

I’ll be OK

Patrika Williamson

Living, Cleaning, and Guitar Playing

Found a new clinic

Practiced guitar

And cleaned some more

Going to the clinic tomorrow

Hopefully they’re better than

My current doctor

Made up some new melodies on my guitar

That was pretty cool

No new lyrics though

I didn’t want to put my guitar down

I ended up having to since my niece

Wanted to play video games

She loves Super Mario 3D World

And only plays that these days

My room is still in construction

Cleared away alot of stuff

But it mostly needs organizing

More than anything

The floor is what needs clearing

But I still see some improvment

Compared to what it looked like before

Patrika Williamson



I can’t believe how long I felt down

I was chronically affected

By depression

It was worse than my schizophrenia

And schizophrenia has dominated my life

For the last ten years

It’s one thing to have to hear negative comments

But to be void of energy and life

Can stop you from doing basic things

I just couldn’t get out of bed or leave the house

I couldn’t do anything

And now it feels like

I never was ill

I can’t believe the difference

I took a break from posting

Just to get better

Not knowing why I felt so bad

I thought I needed more meds

Or something

But it was my breathing

A health problem caused by being overweight

I do want to slim down this year though

And avoid getting diabetes

Or any other serious health problems

For the doctors to have caught my sleep apnea

I am truly greatful

Patrika Williamson

Still Feeling Good

I left the house again today

Still feeling good

I started cleaning up my room

This isn’t an easy job

But has to be done

Didn’t practice guitar today

But found some how to books

In my room while I was cleaning

Who knows what else I’ll find

I haven’t had this much energy

In a long time

I hate to see myself sick again

I haven’t done anything drastic

Like stop taking my meds

But with my illnesses being

A chemical imbalance

I need meds to keep me stable

Otherwise I don’t feel right

I hope I can stay healthy

And find a new psychiatrist pronto

Patrika Williamson

A High and a Low

I made it back to church today

There was a standup comic

Who was the guest speaker today

I love standup

I felt good finally making it back

I thought about my meds again

Maybe I don’t need to take so many things

I don’t feel any withdrawal

From what I have already ran out of

I have so many complaints about my psychiatrist

Normally when you need a refill

You call the pharmacy

But the doctor’s office doesn’t have a working fax

So I have to call them

And they call the pharmacy when they

Get around to it

Since they don’t usually give refills

And whenever I go in it takes an hour or two

To be seen

It’s always a room full of people waiting

For an office that only has one doctor

He must triple book

Finding a doctor is hard

I have to call around to offices

And they usually aren’t taking new patients

Why are psychiatrist so in demand

I have so many gripes about my doctor

I’m gonna to try again on Tuesday

To see if there is anyone else I can go to

I really need a good one

Patrika Williamson