Socializing

Woke up with such a bad headache

It took a while

But I was finally OK

Finally tried Grub Hub

They didn’t take too long

And even got a coupon

For President’s day

I don’t know

When I’ll do it again

It gets expensive

I talked to my cousin

For a while

It’s been so long

Since I heard from her

We talked about everything

It was nice

We go through the same things

And she is the only person

I can relate to sometimes

But there were times

When we didn’t relate at all

But her call

Was out of the blue

I just hope she doesn’t think

I’m trying to avoid her

I don’t call her

When I know I should

I don’t really talk to anybody

I just keep to myself

It’s not good

Since I feelĀ  lonely all the time

But I’m not a social person

Patrika Williamson

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Home Alone

Today was a quiet day

I just stayed home

By myself

And watched some TV

I like it when it’s quiet

But tomorrow is Sunday

And I need to go to church

I think I can do it

I have gotten out

A few days this week already

So I can make it back

And I really like the series

That’s going on now about prayer

It’s weird but

I haven’t practiced guitar

In quite a while

I just haven’t thought about it

And since it was quite today

It would have been perfect

Maybe tomorrow after church

Patrika Williamson

 

My Sanctuary

I practiced more Beatles

I’m focusing on “Nowhere Man”

I want to sound smoother

Oddly enough I haven’t gotten out

The last few days

I don’t feel depressed

But I want to do more

I just don’t have much

To do these days

I want to get one of the speakers

Replaced in my car

But won’t have much money

This month

Music is so important to me

I have to always have it playing

When I’m driving

I guess it just calms me

I used to get really nervous

When I drove

But I don’t drive with anyone else

In my car

That also makes me nervous still

I just drive alone

And sing along to the music

I guess besides my room

It’s my sanctuary

I have to escape

Patrika Williamson

My Mother’s Birthday

Today was my Mom’s birthday

So I scrambled around and got

Her everything

But we usually don’t have big blowouts

And my brother’s ex

Brought over my niece and nephew

So my Mom got to see them too

We hadn’t seen them in a few months

My Mom even got to see her new baby

My Mom loves babies

I haven’t had any unfortunately

I had to go to my room after a while

I sometimes get nervous

When I’m around several people

Some social settings I can handle

But when it’s close

I can’t

Family gatherings were always a challenge

Growing up

We’d go to my Grandmother’s house

And have a big dinner every holiday

I wouldn’t talk and just sat to myself

I never knew what it was

I guess it was bad anxiety

But it wasn’t until adulthood

When I was finally diagnosed with it

I had such a traumatic childhood

Patrika Williamson

 

Speed Dating

Just came home from an event

It was fun

But it ended so sudden

I didn’t get to meet all of the guys

I actually found a few cool ones

Who had similar interests

Or ones that were interesting

I hated having to yell

Over all the noise though

And having to narrow down my likes on a card

Two of the guys I picked

Had the same name

But I’m crossing my finger that

I made a match

I had to write down my top five

But if I match all five

Do I get all their emails

Or just the first one

How does this work anyway

I should have asked

I did make it home though

And it’s hotter inside than out

But I’m home

So now I need to get some rest now

Patrika Williamson

 

 

One Day

Looks like I’m going to make it

The speed dating event is next week

And I’m ready to have some nice conversation

I don’t really get a chance to meet new people

And I would like to

Even though it is difficult

I’m not a club person

Or any good at online dating

So I don’t have a social life

I just hope to meet someone nice

Who is looking for the same things

That I am

Someone who is mature

And not looking for a one night stand

Or something that’s casual

I don’t like praying about it daily

Since God has heard me

Each time I cried

But I feel like I’m going to burst

If I have to be single for the rest of my life

And there’s no sign of any good guys

I wanna write a love song someday

And about the happiness that it has brought me

I lack that inspiration at the moment

And only sing about being lonely

When will my day ever come

That I can say

I’m truly happy and not alone

Patrika Williamson

Writing to Feel Better

Writing is like breathing to me

I have to do it everyday

I just like to put my thoughts on paper

It’s like talking for me

I don’t talk very much

So writing daily is important

I remember writing in my first diary

In fourth grade

But I didn’t get to the creative side

Until I was a teenager

I wrote poems and songs

And things just came out so easily

When I was depressed

I used it as an escape

Instead of talking it over

With anyone

It turned into stories

I’d get an idea

And write it down

I’ve been writing ever since I was a child

And always have the passion

To write out my feelings

It can be therapeutic for me

And I feel better doing it

Patrika Williamson

Job Seeking

Found a job listing

That looked cool

Well actually a few

But I really

Want to try

Working from home this time

Since I wouldn’t have to worry about

Getting to work on-time

Or being around a lot of people

I know that if I work towards it

I will be able to find a real job

I can be a very determined person

It is possible

My cousin has had many jobs at home

In the past

And I have the right equipment

But the reward will be

Working again

And bringing in money

I don’t mind being busy

Since I’m more comfortable at home

Patrika Williamson

d

Hobbies

Made it out today

And enjoyed getting fresh air

Also practiced guitar yesterday

Sounding better everyday

Tweaked the song I wrote

Using a capo

And looking forward to

Recording myself playing again

It still sounds funny when I sing though

I just can’t hit the right notes

I still think learning to play

An instrument is a cool hobby to have

And when you suffer from mental illness

They are a great distraction

Whether it be

Depression or anxiety or schizophrenia

I suffer from all three

So it’s good to keep myself busy

Other stuff like just cleaning up

And doing things that require thinking

Are a good way to escape

It’s a trick to keep your mind

Off of the pain

But whatever I do

It’s better than just sitting around

And worrying about life

Patrika Williamson

Oddball

I had so many more dreams

Of being teased in school

What is wrong with me

I even was in detention

Was introduced to new voices

Well yesterday

And they all expressed hatred for me

That’s like the in thing for them

It’s hard when you’re fragile like me

I didn’t grow up with a lot of encouragement

So I’m used to feeling like the oddball

I just kept to myself

And didn’t really talk alot

And I was the mysterious one

No one knew a lot about me

Only that I was quiet

And not very friendly

To this day I’m still that way

But since I don’t have a job

And not in school at the moment

I just take up solace in my room

But it isn’t a big deal

It has a comfortable feel

Patrika Williamson