Woke up with such a bad headache

It took a while

But I was finally OK

Finally tried Grub Hub

They didn’t take too long

And even got a coupon

For President’s day

I don’t know

When I’ll do it again

It gets expensive

I talked to my cousin

For a while

It’s been so long

Since I heard from her

We talked about everything

It was nice

We go through the same things

And she is the only person

I can relate to sometimes

But there were times

When we didn’t relate at all

But her call

Was out of the blue

I just hope she doesn’t think

I’m trying to avoid her

I don’t call her

When I know I should

I don’t really talk to anybody

I just keep to myself

It’s not good

Since I feelĀ  lonely all the time

But I’m not a social person

Patrika Williamson


My Sanctuary

My appetite is totally gone

I forgot what that was like

I took two bites of dinner

And couldn’t continue

These new meds have really

Decreased my appetite

I was so stressed today

But I was able to de-stress

By going in my room

And watching a bit of TV

I forgot about everything

Wow my room really settles me

Even if it is totally messy

I did successfully clean out

My closet

Or at least many of the clothes

I no longer wear or can’t fit

And now I need to finish

By clearing the floor

If I could just buckle down

Like I did with my closet

I would be able to have a room

I could be happy to stay in

Patrika Williamson


Too Close To Reality

It was weird last night

I thought the other day

It would be nice

To have a dream of my future

But instead I dreamed of a wedding

For someone else

An older couple

Who wanted to make it official

It didn’t really relate to me

Because I’m not with anybody

At the moment

But last night I dreamed of

Something that I discussed with my Mom

That same night

I guess I was imagining things as they would be

But it didn’t go off with a hitch

It was about my oldest niece who is twelve

And how she has behavioral problems

She is very destructive

And throws tantrums

I came home and she wasn’t sitting on the couch

As she normally does

I thought my Mom

Had sent her back home to her birth mother

But things didn’t go as planned

Since my niece came back to get her clothes

But she just came back and broke up everything

As weird as it sounded

It could have really happened

She’s too dangerous around the house

And many of my dreams lately

Had the meaning that I felt powerless

Which is true since I have no say

And stay in my room most of the time

In this case I hope in reality

Things don’t play out that way

Her damaging ways are very costly

And could get worse by the day

Patrika Williamson



Coping with Comedy

I love to make jokes


I mostly share them with the voices

I know that I shouldn’t spend my time

Talking to them but it’s an outlet

I just love to laugh

And don’t always feel comfortable doing it

Around my family

They can be funny

But unfortunately

I tend to isolate myself

Since I’m usually in my room

When I’m at home

I get out of being a clown

Or at least watching a comedy


It’s very therapeutic to me

But I don’t always isolate myself

I only do it when I feel uncomfortable

Living with my family is sometimes hard for me

We don’t always get along

And rather than trying

I tend to just remove myself

Because I know I’m not very social

I tend to make things worse

And get really emotional as well

But I’m thankful that I still have my Mother

In my life

Patrika Williamson

More Winter

It started raining again this afternoon

But it came soon

After I was just about done doing my errands

It was cold and windy

And the voices started to bug me

They thought I was driving too fast

I don’t always know when I’m doing it as my stereo blasts

I made it to church before the storm started

But when I came home from getting shots for my kittens

The rain started to hit

And since then it hasn’t quit

I’m not looking forward to another flood again

But staying home entertaining invisible friends

Is also something I don’t want to do

Once they start talking I get caught trying to

Be friendly

But it’s not because they are making me

I just get lonely and don’t have any

Friends or people who I feel comfortable talking to

Even though I do

Live with my Mother at the moment

I can’t share everything with her that is a current

Thing going on in my life

And other things are just between me and God like

My hopes, dreams and fears

I cry to him because I know he hears

And will take care of it

Patrika Williamson


Inspiration is great

When you can’t wait

To write things down

It’s important for me

As a writer to have something

To write about

There are times when I’m stressed out

From arguing with voices

Well the people in my head since I have no choice

But to talk to them

I lose my cool when

They want to criticize me or press my buttons

I hate to hear them making bad impressions

Not that we just met

I am so used to them

That I let my hair down and talk to them

As I would a friend

Their reactions don’t really bother me

Since they no longer lie as much to me

I’ve learned that I have a goofy personality

And I like making

People laugh at me

People used to laugh at me when I was a child

But not because of my

Sense of humor

It was the result of the bullies who picked at me

Now they can’t hurt me anymore

I know that I shouldn’t talk to them so much

But because I am anti-social

And the people I hear are so real

I feel like they are a substitute for being around people

They laugh and respond to my questions

And no longer rant and rave

They’ve finally gotten past just annoying me

And have become a source inspiration for me

To even write a new story

Plus they don’t seem evil

Or tell me what to do

It took so many years for them to stop harassing me

Their now nicer and sometimes even encouraging

With all of the meds I take we now just coexist

Patrika Williamson


I Think

As mental illness is hard to deal with

There are a host of things it can do to your personality

I feel like if I was free of it I’d be so much more different

Instead I feel like my symptoms cause me

To be a emotionally detached person

I feel like no one loves me

Like people are looking at me funny

And I’m a weirdo

And sometimes I have no hope

For the future

I use meds to tone these ideas down

But there are many things that a pill can’t do

I realize as a religious person

I have to have love in my heart for everyone

And that even if I don’t feel loved

That God will always love me

But it’s one of the things I just can’t get over

I feel so alone sometimes

With only the people in my head seeming like friends

To keep me company

And will never leave me

It’s unhealthy I know

But I just can’t help it

If I were reading about the symptoms in a book

I’d fit every little detail perfectly

But I can’t let any illness define me

As there are so many things about me

That separate me from any other sufferer

I’m funny even when I’m nervous

I like to make people laugh

I’m creative and love working with my hands

I tend to be a computer whiz

And good with fixing things

I don’t read instructions

And can somehow figure out how to use stuff

Straight out of the box

I guess I can’t say I’m a textbook case

Well when it comes to personality

Only those who know me well can understand me

And there aren’t too many people that do

Since I don’t have the “friendly” gene

I just keep to myself

And people assume I’m nice and quiet

I guess that’s true

But sometimes when I talk to people I sound rude

And seem to lack that censorship that people have

Which keeps them from saying what comes to mind first

That’s me I don’t think before I speak

I just blurt things out and end of making people hate me

Patrika Williamson



I make an effort to be alone

I don’t know if that’s part of my illness or what but

Ever since I was little

I shy away from people

I don’t say hi

When people pass by

Or spark up conversations

With random strangers

When you see a person like me

You probably think I’m mean

Or maybe grumpy

It’s not like I hate anybody

It’s just hard for a person like me to open my mouth

To say much of anything

And people sometimes ask me why I’m so quiet

I never know what to say

So I lie and say I’m shy

It’s something others would say

In order to speak up for me

Of course it’s not necessarily true

Since I tend to do

This even with people I know

I can even be quiet around my family

They’ve known me since birth

Yet I don’t always act friendly

Not the kind of company you’d want from me

If I duck and dodge people

I’m not always alone

But if I have a choice I am

And I bask in the silence

Not having to speak is easy for me

And something that I’ve noticed isn’t always normal

I could go for days without speaking

And not feel lonely

But then there’s the people in my head

They’re now the ones who keep me company

If it weren’t for them and the world around me

I’d be wouldn’t speak

But that’s just me

Patrika Williamson